did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
