He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
