When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
