Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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