I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
