Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
