oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
