How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
