So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
