Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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