My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
