you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
