I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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