I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
