She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
