So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
