Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
