Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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