I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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