My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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