I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize