Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize