Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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