I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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