Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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