My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize