I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
