she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
