Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
