Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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