Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
