Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
