Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
