theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
