I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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