This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
