I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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