JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
