guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
