i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
