if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
