So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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