When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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