I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
