Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize