i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize