I've blown a few things in my day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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