its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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