Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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