some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
