We won't sleep together?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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