I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
