he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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