i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize