Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
