i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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