FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
