I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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