It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
