connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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