uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
