Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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