the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
