I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
