I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
