I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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