what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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