i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
