i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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