I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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