We named our party play list daddy issues
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
