girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
