To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
