that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
