my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
