Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
