We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
