Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
