I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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