This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
