My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
