Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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