well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've blown a few things in my day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
