That's intense
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
