you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
