We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
